Mind Nomad Writing

My mom wrote in crayon and my dad spoke in binary code.

A lovely compliment one might think. A unique environment for a child to grow up in one might imagine. A well-rounded set of instructions many would posit. An eclectic ‘must be a fun kind of atmosphere’ many would assert. 

Assert as many would, they never altered the fact that my parents’ respective communication tool boxes were uniquely equipped for their own purposes. In fact, the assertions only served to foster the growing belief that it was I, not them, that needed to master some kind of new Rosetta Stone to connect and to be understood. 

Assertion: “ah, young lad, they are good natured and mean you no harm”

Internalized Interpretation: “ok, go easy on them, look closer at those colorful scribbles, I’m sure I’ll find the goodness in them. study those ones and zeros until my eyes water, I’m sure I’ll decode the kindness.”

Assertion: “you’re being too sensitive”

Internalized Interpretation: “I am being too sensitive, grow up, let her scribble her angry feelings and let him yell in binary, that’s the mature way to handle emotions.”

Assertion: “your parents must really love you, look at the cool toys you have and spiffy light up shoes you’ve got on”

Internalized Interpretation: “I guess I need to look closer at the evidence. I mean the colors in my shoes are pretty cool, that’s my moms thing. Then dad does talk a lot about numbers in a loud voice when it comes to buying things. I thought he was angry but maybe he was feeling love?”

Assertion: “your dad didn’t mean what he said to you.” And “your mom is just tired.”

Internalized Interpretation: “still haven’t figured this shit out. How long is it going to take me to figure out what these lines and codes mean?”

Assertion: “it’s clear your parents love you, look at how hard they work.”

Internalized Interpretation: “look deeper into the patterns and numbers, maybe I will find the “I love you” message somewhere.”

Assertion: “you are ungrateful to be questioning your parents’ love for you.”

Internalized Interpretation: “I must be a piece of shit.”

My mom still writes in crayon and my dad still speaks in binary code. 

While these can compliment they often conflict. It created a uniquely complex linguistic environment, one in which I am only partially fluent. A set of skills I’ve only partly mastered. If understood, it’s unclear how accurately I’ve ascertained the instruction or whether there was ever any guidance to comprehend in the colors and numbers to begin with.

#Parentify me Capin’